You have got to be kidding… Our AIRBNB sits LITERALLY within the confines of the bus loop at an elementary school. An actively used bus loop! Come Monday morning, 500 kids under the age 10 will be outside the window of this AIRBNB.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
… AND IT IS HILARIOUS!
… And you can’t make this [bleep] up! My husband has booked my son and I an AIRBNB reservation at a home in a very BIZARRE location. (Me: LAUGHING A LOT. My 18-yr-old son: not so much laughing)
Life is really, really, really hard – at my house. It has been that way for several years. So I use a little crazy as my coping skill. I find humor in my surroundings. Honestly, it is there but sometimes it’s hard to see when you face insurmountable challenges daily. We adopted two kids who have RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder). They push loving people away because the love from their original family hurt them as infants.
So my advice when life is insanelier HARDER than you could have ever imagined:
LAUGH! If you can’t find something funny, then be funny! Wear an Iron Man mask in the Starbucks drive-thru and if the guy named Jeff handing you a coffee doesn’t laugh but you and your daughter do, then maybe you will make it through another day! Woot! Woot!
But – oh there is so much more to the story about the time my son and I stayed in the BUS LOOP at an AIRBNB on the campus of an elementary SCHOOL!
TJ and I were off for another soccer tournament a couple hours from home. He has played competitive soccer since the age of 7. He plays at the highest level in the state. We often need overnight accommodations so we have turned to AIRBNB for help. We have found this usually gives us more space, cooler places and it’s loads cheaper! So Dad took on the job of concierage and booked our lodgings.
To be fair, the description of this AIRBNB was not accurate. Seriously people! If you have a home that sits next to 500 small children learning reading and math, then you should say so. No where did the write-up of the hotel alternative mention swings, slides, cafeterias or raccoons… or rats! Upon arrival, my son and I thought “this can not be right” as we knocked on the only building we could find with the given Google Maps directions. A man and woman looking ready to run a marathon answered the door. They were actually ready to run a marathon. And we were the ‘lucky’ family who had booked their soon to be empty home. They chatted us up a bit when we really just wanted to lay down on a comfy bed. We exchanged pleasantries about our lives. They told us they both were police officers. AND THAT IS WHY THEY LIVE ON THE CAMPUS OF AN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. They have an incredibly low rent and the school gets 24-hour security. Kinda makes a bit more sense, kinda right?
They head out the door and my son and I scratch our heads. As we look around, we see a lot of ODD THINGS:
- There is the largest, furry, brown beanbag-like monstrosity the size of a baby elephant in the place of a chair to sit on in the living area. It has a 5″ x 12″ rectangular manufacturer label that says “LOVE SAC”. I decided to not ever sit on someone else’s large furry “Love Sac”. Nope, not gonna sit there.
- There is a glass shelving unit outside the bathroom with its’ own set of oddities. One shelf is devoted to 5 different Wonder Woman trinkets: a Wonder Woman Pez candy dispenser, a Wonder Woman mug and a couple other things that I could look back on my phone and see but it is not really crucial information.
- There is a hand-crafted sun-catcher – likely from a neice or younger person- that reads NAMASTE. When I read it aloud to my son, he yelled back cleverly: “Namaste?[It is important to note the correct pronounciation /naw-maw-stay/]… Naw Maw NOT WANT TO STAY! I died laughing. Pretty funny guy huh?
- The top shelf has a 18 inch Teddy bear dressed in a police woman’s uniform and a lacy collar. Do you remember these from the 80’s? Just. Gross.
- The kitchen reveals a pantry in which 100% of every edible item is housed in a Rubbermaid container and a small circular note adorns one of them at eye-level. It reads: DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE RACCOONS! I am not kidding. Who leaves a note that says DON’T FORGET ABOUT THE RACCOONS on the containers in a pantry in which they have booked guests? Well, that’s easy. The same people who tell their guests that they are new to South Florida and have not had any rodent issues –except– rats— once—- a year ago. THEY ACTUALLY SAID THAT. I don’t think I would mention that folks.
- The comforter, window coverings and pillows are an awful primary blue fish or planet design. I can’t quite recollect but remember them being hideous. Not the type of adult room decor normally in a guest bedroom. More of an 8-year-old boy kinda vibe. But the home owners don’t have a child. They said they did not have kids. Oh, okay. Possibly, the linens could have been from a clearance rack. They kinda had that look. Like they would have set on a shelf for a while until the store clerks got the go-ahead to move these atrocious comforter sets out the door by marking them way down. Cheap.
- Outside we had to be very specific on where we parked. Ya know – if a giant yellow school bus needed to use their designated bus loop. We were to park under the tarp held up by metal piping stuck in plastic 5 gallon buckets filled with cement. Fancy! Kinda like a portico but in a third world country.
The adventure did not end there with the accommodations. The home owners did follow ONE traditional AIRBNB protocol. They had a notebook on the bedside table to give insider tips about the best places to visit in the area. One look at the restaurant recommendations and I knew where we HAD TO GO for dinner: MUNCHIES 420. When you stay at a place where you are pretty sure the people living there smoke pot and arrest people for smoking pot, then you gotta go try the suggested MUNCHIES 420. I don’t smoke weed. (While vacuuming my couch cushions. I found a pill bottle with what looked like dried grass- to me. I did not understand why the kid from my husband’s soccer team who lived with us because his parents didn’t parent him had a pill bottle with grass in it. I called my husband. I literally said, “I found a pill bottle of (insert soccer players name)’S and it has what looks like dried grass or weeds in it. What do you think it is?” “Weed” said my hubbie. I was confused and said, “No, it looks like weeds or something. What could it be?” Again, “Weed” said my hubbie. Took me a while but I finally understood. Oh! I was holding weed, like marajuana. That was a first for me.) But, I highly recommend Munchies 420. I ordered the “Dankalicious Chicken Nugs” and TJ got a “Fat Mamma”. (No, not me. I struggle with weight gain because of anxiety. Really. Every word of this post is true. I do struggle with not eating enough because of have a nervous stomach. But I didn’t struggle ordering when the dessert menu listed Fried Apple Pie Bites. I could have ordered the Fried Twinkie. I was tempted. ) Back to TJ’s dinner. A Fat Mamma is a pizza philly with chicken fingers, mozzerella stix and spuds. Or maybe he ate a Fat Daddy. I can’t remember… so there could be one thing that is not true. I don’t know which one he had. But I do know the food was ON POINT! Great food. Two hysterically drunk guys about 40 behind us. Good laughs!
In the end, I don’t know if my son’s soccer team won or lost that weekend. I can not remember these games. He has had hundreds of games but I will never forget –
The Wheels On the Bus go Around our Airbnb,
around the Airbnb,
around the Airbnb.
The Wheels On the Bus Go Around our Airbnb- THAT MY HUSBAND BOOKED!